Conflict resolution (or How to Deal with Bastards)

One of the SXSW sessions I went to yesterday dealt with the problems that arise when folks you work with are tricky, incompetent or just a bit of a pain in the backside. Whether it’s partners, clients or colleagues, at some point difficult situations inevitably arise and people don’t always play nice.

At this point I should probably caveat this post with the genuine declaration that no-one I work with is an a*shole. I’m pretty lucky in that respect.

Nevertheless, there was talk about the ways in which we can resolve conflict, bring people back on side and generally push the politics to one side to make sure that the project doesn’t suffer. Here are some of the pointers the panel shared with us:

1. Make sure expectations are set with partners at the beginning, and keep it unemotional when discussing falling short of them. Keep communication open and frequent, and if expectations are unclear on either side, sort it out as early as possible. This goes as much for our expectations of our clients as it does for their expectations of us.

2. If people are behaving badly on a project, they’re probably not doing it deliberately. Most likely, they’re  just incompetent. Deal with it and, if possible (e.g. if it’s a third party partnership) try not to partner with them in future.

3. Don’t get into the bullsh*t of competitiveness and brinkmanship with colleagues - trust your work, stay cool, take the higher road. You’re not at school anymore, and no-one’s going to give you a medal for winning the playground brawl.

4. Turn the spotlight onto them: “If you were in my situation, how would you handle this? What would you do?” – make the bastard stand in your shoes. Seeing the other person’s point of view and asking for their suggestions can help find a solution.

5. Don’t be susceptible to bad vibes. As one of the panellists told his son: “Sad people like to make other people sad.” Or as we say in the UK, “Don’t let the buggers get you down…”

6. TIPS: Timely, Impact, Private, Specific

If someone’s being a bastard, follow ‘TIPS’. Deal with the issue in a timely manner; share the impact of what that person’s bastardly behaviour is having on the business (effect on the bottom line, negative influence on morale); speak privately with the bastard – don’t publicly humiliate them; be specific about the issue.

7. Be gracious, respectful and rise above the rudeness. One of the panellists had a great story about her time at Halliburton as General Counsel – she happens to be black. So, she was due to have a meeting with a group of people she’d never met and one of the guys in the meeting, assuming as a black woman that she must be in the service industry, asked her to get him a coffee. Without demur, she went and got him one, got herself one and then sat down at the meeting. He looked at her with incredulity – what the hell was this server doing sitting down?

Then the Chair walked in and suggested everyone introduce themselves. The ’server’ started by explaining that she was there as General Counsel to lend legal advice. The guy blushed crimson. She winked at him; that was all. He knew what he’d done, and that was shame enough. He’s now one of her greatest supporters and they have a good working relationship, all because she didn’t call him out. Smart.

8. Unless you’re in the military or prison service, remember that you can always walk away if it’s not working. This one really resonates with me. At Made by Many, we talk a lot about what makes for a successful project and are very careful about the jobs that we select. Our key criteria are: will we have fun doing it? will it make us famous/win an award? will it make us rich? will we learn in the process?

If a project doesn’t satisfy at least two, and preferably three or all of these criteria, then we don’t take the job.

One of the biggest keys to a successful project in our business is choosing the right kind of client. And as the panel said, if you make a bad choice and discover down the line that it’s just not working: have the courage to walk away. Otherwise, it drags everyone down, the project suffers and the end product is mediocre. No one’s happy.

Don’t be afraid to break up with them: “It’s not you, it’s me…It’s just not working anymore. We can still be friends. I just don’t feel that way about you anymore.” Sorry, getting a bit carried away with the therapy there. I blame the US capacity for ’sharing’, it’s rubbing off on me here in Austin.

The Chair said he’d buy everyone a beer if the panel didn’t come up with 8 ways to deal with a bastard. They just made it – lucky for him – there must’ve been 1500 people in the room. That’s a lot of Lone Star.